Sacred Separation

Journal 

Through 

February 20, 2023: Happy New Year Loved One! (+Divorce Resources Below)


How’s 2023 going? Is it just me … or does it seem like it is going by fast?


Wherever you are in your separation and divorce process, I am confident you are necessarily pressing through: making decisions from day-to-day as best as you know how, adjusting to any new norms, and still washing your ass at socially acceptable intervals …


Yay you! Seriously.


As we are still somewhat at the start of our new calendar year, I want to use this

message to remind and encourage you that you need community. Period. Getting together around common experience can be a very supportive tool.


When my separation and divorce journey really started to take-off, I instinctively knew that I couldn’t go-at-it-alone, so I went seeking some group that I could join to help me along : to be in company with others who were going through some of the same things.


Enter DivorceCare: a 13-week community support program.


I joined my first DivorceCare group in 2019 or 2020, and I have attended over the last 3 or 4 years at varying stages in my separation/divorce process, and at varying intervals (sometimes I only went to 1 or 2 sessions … and it was completely okay).


In DivorceCare, I had the opportunity to share laughs, tears, space, resources, practical advice, and even silence; I remember attending one group where a guy came every single time and literally never said anything – and it was totally fine and acceptable. I attended groups with people who were newly separated and with folx who had been divorced for many years; the breadth of experiences made these meetings a rich resource.


I’m sharing this with you now because I think more people need to know about DivorceCare, and the program is superduper accessible. There are remote, hybrid, as well as on-site attendance options weekdays and weekends – plus, it’s low-to-no-cost depending on the group you join.


Now, as a heads-up, DivorceCare is a faith-based program: kind of like how many of the well-known ‘anonymous’ groups are based on faith principles, and yet, you do not have to be religious or believing in anything in particular to benefit from becoming a member of the community; (I say this as a person whose current spirituality includes practices and tenants from multiple faiths).


Sooo, if it feels right my Loved One, I encourage you to look into joining a DivorceCare Community for yourself and/or to share this email with others as you feel so led: DivorceCare.org.



December 11, 2022: Navigating the Holidays During Separation/Divorce 


Hello Loved One,


It’s that time of year again: the holidays.


Another Thanksgiving has come-and-gone (for those who celebrate), and the season rolls on: our narrative expectation for jovial gathering still in high-gear.


And while this is well-and-good, the holidays can be an anxiety-producing time if you are going through a separation or divorce – or processing the aftermath.

 

Perhaps your child or children are not with you for the holidays, as in years gone past.

Perhaps your ex is re-partnered and bringing someone along to their family festivities – or at least they seem to be healthily dating – and you’re not.

Perhaps this is the time of year when you split.


Whatever the case, if you're feeling a little anxious or completely all-over-the-place, know that you are not alone: the holidays do indeed feel and become different amidst the changes of separation and divorce.


With this in mind, I invite you to consider the following affirmations through the end of the 2022 season: for yourself or someone you know.


Affirmation Number One: “It's not just me” – There is no getting around it: the shiftiness of separation and divorce tends to make us feel like we’re in a fishbowl, while the seemingly stable world (or your own inner critic) looks at you alone (and your current situation) with tragic and isolating disapproval. Though it is completely normal to think ‘it’s just me,’ please take some reprieve in remembering the very real facts: a million people or more are exactly where you are (including me), and you are absolutely, definitely not alone my dear. As an exercise, maybe close your eyes and imagine another person in your shoes (in their own fishbowl) telling you, ‘You are not alone.’ … (It’s me by the way … the other fish … smiling and making underwater jokes about how divorce is definitely ‘for the birds.’)


Affirmation Number Two: “I have the power to create meaningful and safe connections” – Our holiday arrangements, traditions, and routines get rearranged and reimagined because of separation and divorce. You may find yourself going to a completely different place or not traveling at all because family dynamics have changed. Or you could be going to the same place to see the same faces but feeling the difference as you pack bags for the car by yourself, instead of with a former partner.


It can feel very disempowering. But the holidays are not about obsessing over whether your plans maintain some semblance of the status quo; they’re about you having the power to create, shape and reshape meaningful and safe connections, with the people, places, and activities that are available and in-service to you now.


Affirmation Number Three: “I owe myself more than my pain” – Separation and divorce are by far some of the most serious and all-consuming experiences that you can go through, and the topics under the proverbial umbrella abound: alimony, child custody, moving, infidelity, abandonment … the list goes on.


Amid what can seem to be a downpour of things that need your emotional, mental, and physical energy right now, I don’t want to see you (or myself) drowning, joyless under the effects of this experience.


On a daily basis, you owe yourself more than your pain. Starting today, find a way to laugh, play, and ‘be light.' It can be as simple as taking a few moments to review your favorite memes or reels: the ones that make you laugh-out-loud with no one around.


You’ll get through the holidays my dear ones: one day at a time. 


"Loved the preview; I can't wait to hear it in its entirety" 

~ Ari Elizabeth, LA-based Actress and Singer